In life, everyone goes through times when they are not happy with themselves. Perhaps you have experienced this. What can you do in such situations? How do you build up your self-esteem? Of course, it would be wrong to devote all our time to thinking about ourselves. At the same time if we have some issues to deal with in ourselves, we cannot just ignore them. In this chapter we will look at the story of one teenager who needed to improve his self-image. Perhaps his story may seem familiar to you.
Michael's story
Michael admires Arnold Schwarzenegger. He has seen every one of his movies. Michael has read a lot about Schwarzenegger. He knows that his idol wasn't just born a successful, muscular hero, but that he had to work very hard to build up his body and his career.
But Michael knows that no matter how hard he works, he will never become like Arnold. Michael is fifteen, very thin and very near-sighted. He hates his thick glasses, hates the pimples on his face, and sometimes hates just about everything about himself.
Today, Michael’s family and relatives have gathered to celebrate his grandmother’s 70th birthday. It's a beautiful summer day and everybody feels relaxed and joyful — except Michael. Today is one of those days when Michael can't stand himself. The happier the people are around him, the more miserable he feels.
Michael is sitting alone some distance away from the table where his mother and sister have just served cake, and where the others are talking to each other in small groups. Several of his relatives tried to engage Michael in conversation earlier, but his dull responses caused them to give up after a while, and they left him alone. Michael has been watching his relatives, especially his Uncle Louis, whom he doesn't see very often because he lives quite far away. Uncle Louis catches his attention because he is laughing a lot with the people who are gathered around him. He seems like a magnet, attracting others. Michael is particularly impressed because Louis has many of the features that Michael doesn't like in himself. He is at least as thin as Michael. He is also very tall, which makes him look even more like a stick than Michael. He wears glasses, too. Yet he doesn't seem to feel bad about himself and the other people like him. There is something about him that they like, which makes them want to be with him. Michael would like to talk to Louis, but he doesn't know how to go about it. Anyway, he doubts that Louis would want to talk to him.
Actually, Louis has been noticing Michael for some time sitting away from the others with an unhappy face. Louis knows that Michael has been going through some difficulties, because his mother had talked to him about Michael earlier. Louis has been looking for an opportunity to speak to his nephew. When he sees Michael stand up and come over to the table to get some cake, Louis decides to approach him. He excuses himself from the group of people he is with and walks over to Michael.
"Hi, Mike, can I join you for a while? Are you enjoying yourself?”
"Yes, Uncle Louis. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?” Michael answers, glad that his uncle is talking to him, but not sure how honestly he should answer his question. They both take a piece of cake from the table and sit together on the grass a little way off.
A heart-to-heart talk
At first, they talk about ordinary things, but before he knows it, Michael is confiding in his uncle and telling him how he feels about himself. "You know, Uncle Louis, sometimes I think nobody likes me because I'm so thin and look so weak. My classmates often make fun of me, especially in sports.”
"I understand, Mike, because when I was your age, I had similar feelings. I wanted to be handsome so that the girls would pay attention to me. And I wanted to be strong and athletic so that I could get back at those who made fun of me because of my glasses. Sometimes I felt so bad about myself that I wished I were someone else.”
"Sometimes I wish that, too. But now you don't feel like that anymore? It doesn't matter to you that you’re so thin and have to wear glasses?”
"Now it doesn't, no, because I’ve come to understand that who I am is more important than the way I look. You have to learn to accept yourself—and to like yourself.”
"But what if I don't like myself?”
"Then the people around you will also find it difficult to like you. The way somebody feels about himself is expressed in the way he acts, the way he talks and walks—even by the look in his eyes. People around him respond to these signs, consciously or unconsciously. It’s as if a person who hates himself gives off negative energy that pushes others away. On the other hand, people who like and respect themselves always attract others who want to be with them.”
"Well, I don't know. It sounds good, but I'm not sure if it’s really true. In my school, to be popular it seems more important to wear the right clothes or have lots of money.”
"Mike, it's true that there are some people who value a person’s possessions or appearance more than his character. But don't worry about them. They don't make good friends. Since they are interested in you because of what you have rather than for who you are, they can easily betray you. The way to attract people is by developing your character, not by focusing on your appearance."
"Well, I don't see why anybody would be attracted to me, whether I like myself or not. There is absolutely nothing special about me!” said Michael.
"Mike, you are a unique individual. There is nobody in the whole world that is just like you. And there will never, ever be another person like you. So you have something to share with people that no one else has. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
"Okay, I get the point: I'm unique. But I still don't know why this should be attractive to anybody. Maybe my uniqueness is unattractive.”
"Well, if that’s really true, then it's up to you to change it. You have the power to become the kind of person that you would be glad to know, a person you respect. Become reliable, take initiative, and be helpful and friendly. Then you are sure to develop many friendships.”
E-mails
In the following week Michael finds himself thinking a lot about what his uncle said. Finally, he decides to send him an e-mail:
Dear Uncle Louis, I cannot forget what you said to me. I think you are right, I have to learn to like myself more, because I want to become a person other people like to be with. But, practically speaking, I don't know how to do this. I think you must know, because you are a person that everybody likes (including me). Please tell me what you did to become like that. Your nephew, Michael
After a couple of days Michael receives the following response:
My dear Mike, I was very happy to receive your message and learn that my words have given you so much food for thought. I enjoyed our talk very much — I think you are a sincere and genuine person.
I also deeply respect your decision to learn to like yourself more and to become a person whom others would want to have as a friend. I cannot promise that it will be easy, but as I told you already, I was very much like you when I was your age, and if I have been able to change, you can also. Here are some things I did to change myself step-by-step:
I knew that I had to stop criticizing myself. There were so many things I didn't like about myself, and I was always quick to think, "I'm so bad; it's hopeless; I’ll never change; it's no use even trying.” I started observing myself carefully. I checked my words, thoughts, feelings, actions, even my voice and smile. I made a point of reflecting on my day every evening. I would analyze what I had done right and what I had done wrong. Then I would make a goal for the next day. After a while I felt that I was improving, and my self-respect increased.
I had to learn to resist the temptation to compare myself with someone else. Instead, I learned to respect other people for who they were, and their achievements, but also I could begin to respect myself for who I was and for my own progress.
And finally, because I thought that I was a rather unkind person, I started doing things for others, even in small ways. I volunteered to help people in need. Sometimes I didn't feel like doing it, but I pushed myself to do it anyway. I even gave small gifts to people, for no other reason than to surprise them and make them happy. Doing this helped me a lot to feel better about myself.
During this time I became more aware of my own uniqueness. I discovered that I had certain talents different from anybody else. People told me that I was sensitive and tender-hearted. At first I didn't like that, because I wanted to be tough and never show any emotion. But after a while I started to appreciate these qualities in myself instead of denying them.
Well, Mike, I hope some of these ideas may work for you. I look forward to hearing about your progress. I am thinking of you. With love, Louis
Building self-confidence
Mike suffered from a poor self-image, which Uncle Louis helped him correct. Since Uncle Louis had corrected his own poor self-image as a youth, he knew it could be done. We alone create our self-image. We are the master designer.
A self-image involves our thinking first, then the actions we take to make our thoughts substantial. As was said in the last chapter, our thinking can rule over our feelings, including dispelling negative feelings about ourselves. If we nurture a positive and optimistic attitude about ourselves, we will feel our value. As Uncle Louis advised Mike, we have to watch our self-critical and defeatist thoughts and try to stop them as we become aware of them. Then we have to take positive action, as Louis did, doing acts of kindness toward others and watching our own progress toward our goals. As we do more and more to improve ourselves and our relationships with others, we will feel more and more self-respect.
Life is not always easy or beautiful. Our lives go through many hills and valleys. But there is one thing always to remember— ultimately we can achieve extraordinary results if our desire and motivation are strong enough. Believing this can give us incredible power.
Our problem is that we stamp the word IMPOSSIBLE across our plans and dreams and never complete them. Many limitations are ones we set ourselves, in our own thinking.
So believe in yourself! As Uncle Louis told Mike, you are a unique human being. There is no one just like you. You're one of a kind—the one and only! That's a positive and powerful thing.
Lesson Plan Objectives
Cognitive: Students will understand the importance of a good self-image. Students will have tools for constructing a better self-image.
Affective: Students will feel affirmed in their own value. Students will gain self-confidence.
Behavioral: Students will state affirmations. Students will quiz themselves on their self-image before and after stating affirmations. Students will describe a situation in which low self-esteem and a poor self-image caused a person to pass up an opportunity.
Class Session 1
Solicit students' opinions about Michael as they experienced him in the chapter they read, “Being You.” Do they know anyone like Michael? (Possibly themselves?)
Explain that this chapter shows that the way people think about themselves is very important to how they feel about themselves and to how others respond to them as well. Do students believe this to be true? Are there are pitfalls to this idea? (Note: Some criminals have very high self-esteem, and some good people have very low self-esteem.)
Explain that, in general, people feel much happier when they have a good self-image or when they improve their self-image. Michael's Uncle Louis mentions that he became kinder to himself, but he also became kinder to other people.
Quote him: “Because I thought I was a rather unkind person, I started doing things for others, even in small ways. I volunteered to help people in need. Sometimes I didn't feel like doing it, but I pushed myself to do it anyway. I even gave small gifts to people, for no other reason than to surprise them and make them happy. Doing this helped me a lot to feel better about myself.”
Point out that being kind to others and to one's self is a good way to strengthen a fragile self-image and experience higher self-esteem. Another way is to make goals, like Uncle Louis did, and achieve them. Becoming good at something—playing the guitar, making model cars, studying math or astronomy—builds a good self-image and higher self-esteem also.
So does exercise. Let students stand up and march in place for a few minutes. After they sit down, ask them if their self-esteem experienced a boost. Certainly, their energy and attention did!
Mention that some people strengthen their self-image through affirmations. There is an affirmation in their student books:
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.”
Direct students' attention to this quote and have them repeat it to themselves silently several times.
Ask students to do the Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?” in their student books.
Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?”
How do you see yourself: as lovable, unlovable, or somewhere in between? lovable a b c d e unlovable
likable ( ) unlikable
attractive ( ) unattractive
overweight ( ) underweight
punctual ( ) tardy
careful ( ) careless
friendly ( ) unfriendly
talented ( ) untalented
accepted ( ) rejected
diligent ( ) lazy
loyal ( ) disloyal
kind ( ) unkind
sincere ( ) insincere Where do you need to change? Number them in their order of importance to you.
Encourage students to invest in improving the parts of themselves they now see in a negative light.
Now write the following list of affirmations on the board:
I am a good person.
I have many fine qualities.
I like me.
I have wonderful things in my heart.
I have beauty inside me.
I have helped others in my life.
Others have liked and loved me.
I am a good influence on my world.
Ask students to take a few moments to repeat each of these affirmations silently three times. Then ask them to retake the Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?” Were their answers more positive this time?
Class Session 2
Ask someone in the class to review the main points of the chapter in their student books and also the last class session. Ask students to do the Questions for Reflection in their student books. They can refer back to the chapter to refresh their memories.
Questions for Reflection
1. What is Michael’s character like? Why do you think he is this way?
2. What is Louis’s character like? Was he always that way?
3. How did Louis change himself?
4. What do you think of Louis’s advice to Michael?
5. What is self-esteem?
6. What makes a person valuable?
7. If your closest friend or relative suddenly became poor or unpopular, would you still feel the same way about that person?
8. How do self-esteem and self-respect influence everything a person does?
9. Does a person with a high sense of self-esteem usually treat others with respect? Why?
10. How can a sense of self-respect help a person develop his/her personality?
When they are done with the Questions for Reflection, ask students to break up into small groups of three or four. Ask them to share with one another about people they really like, describing the person to the others in as much detail as possible. Ask them to reflect upon what they like about these people and why, and to share that with the others. When the discussions are finished, ask students how many of them chose a person who projected a positive self-image—confidence and self-assurance. Emphasize that a positive self-image makes a person more likable.
Reflection Exercise: “Passing Up an Opportunity”
Write a small story describing a situation in which a person passes up a good opportunity because of lack of self-confidence or because he or she is afraid of failing.
When they are finished, ask students how the person in their story could have built up his or her self-image and self-esteem enough to take the good opportunity in front of him or her. What could he or she have done to prepare for the challenge?
Table of Contents
Reading
In life, everyone goes through times when they are not happy with themselves. Perhaps you have experienced this. What can you do in such situations? How do you build up your self-esteem? Of course, it would be wrong to devote all our time to thinking about ourselves. At the same time if we have some issues to deal with in ourselves, we cannot just ignore them. In this chapter we will look at the story of one teenager who needed to improve his self-image. Perhaps his story may seem familiar to you.Michael's story
Michael admires Arnold Schwarzenegger. He has seen every one of his movies. Michael has read a lot about Schwarzenegger. He knows that his idol wasn't just born a successful, muscular hero, but that he had to work very hard to build up his body and his career.But Michael knows that no matter how hard he works, he will never become like Arnold. Michael is fifteen, very thin and very near-sighted. He hates his thick glasses, hates the pimples on his face, and sometimes hates just about everything about himself.
Today, Michael’s family and relatives have gathered to celebrate his grandmother’s 70th birthday. It's a beautiful summer day and everybody feels relaxed and joyful — except Michael. Today is one of those days when Michael can't stand himself. The happier the people are around him, the more miserable he feels.
Michael is sitting alone some distance away from the table where his mother and sister have just served cake, and where the others are talking to each other in small groups. Several of his relatives tried to engage Michael in conversation earlier, but his dull responses caused them to give up after a while, and they left him alone.
Michael has been watching his relatives, especially his Uncle Louis, whom he doesn't see very often because he lives quite far away. Uncle Louis catches his attention because he is laughing a lot with the people who are gathered around him. He seems like a magnet, attracting others. Michael is particularly impressed because Louis has many of the features that Michael doesn't like in himself. He is at least as thin as Michael. He is also very tall, which makes him look even more like a stick than Michael. He wears glasses, too. Yet he doesn't seem to feel bad about himself and the other people like him. There is something about him that they like, which makes them want to be with him. Michael would like to talk to Louis, but he doesn't know how to go about it. Anyway, he doubts that Louis would want to talk to him.
Actually, Louis has been noticing Michael for some time sitting away from the others with an unhappy face. Louis knows that Michael has been going through some difficulties, because his mother had talked to him about Michael earlier. Louis has been looking for an opportunity to speak to his nephew. When he sees Michael stand up and come over to the table to get some cake, Louis decides to approach him. He excuses himself from the group of people he is with and walks over to Michael.
"Hi, Mike, can I join you for a while? Are you enjoying yourself?”
"Yes, Uncle Louis. It's a beautiful day, isn't it?” Michael answers, glad that his uncle is talking to him, but not sure how honestly he should answer his question. They both take a piece of cake from the table and sit together on the grass a little way off.
A heart-to-heart talk
At first, they talk about ordinary things, but before he knows it, Michael is confiding in his uncle and telling him how he feels about himself. "You know, Uncle Louis, sometimes I think nobody likes me because I'm so thin and look so weak. My classmates often make fun of me, especially in sports.”"I understand, Mike, because when I was your age, I had similar feelings. I wanted to be handsome so that the girls would pay attention to me. And I wanted to be strong and athletic so that I could get back at those who made fun of me because of my glasses. Sometimes I felt so bad about myself that I wished I were someone else.”
"Sometimes I wish that, too. But now you don't feel like that anymore? It doesn't matter to you that you’re so thin and have to wear glasses?”
"Now it doesn't, no, because I’ve come to understand that who I am is more important than the way I look. You have to learn to accept yourself—and to like yourself.”
"But what if I don't like myself?”
"Then the people around you will also find it difficult to like you. The way somebody feels about himself is expressed in the way he acts, the way he talks and walks—even by the look in his eyes. People around him respond to these signs, consciously or unconsciously. It’s as if a person who hates himself gives off negative energy that pushes others away. On the other hand, people who like and respect themselves always attract others who want to be with them.”
"Well, I don't know. It sounds good, but I'm not sure if it’s really true. In my school, to be popular it seems more important to wear the right clothes or have lots of money.”
"Mike, it's true that there are some people who value a person’s possessions or appearance more than his character. But don't worry about them. They don't make good friends. Since they are interested in you because of what you have rather than for who you are, they can easily betray you. The way to attract people is by developing your character, not by focusing on your appearance."
"Well, I don't see why anybody would be attracted to me, whether I like myself or not. There is absolutely nothing special about me!” said Michael.
"Mike, you are a unique individual. There is nobody in the whole world that is just like you. And there will never, ever be another person like you. So you have something to share with people that no one else has. Do you understand what I'm saying?”
"Okay, I get the point: I'm unique. But I still don't know why this should be attractive to anybody. Maybe my uniqueness is unattractive.”
"Well, if that’s really true, then it's up to you to change it. You have the power to become the kind of person that you would be glad to know, a person you respect. Become reliable, take initiative, and be helpful and friendly. Then you are sure to develop many friendships.”
E-mails
In the following week Michael finds himself thinking a lot about what his uncle said. Finally, he decides to send him an e-mail:Dear Uncle Louis,
I cannot forget what you said to me. I think you are right, I have to learn to like myself more, because I want to become a person other people like to be with. But, practically speaking, I don't know how to do this. I think you must know, because you are a person that everybody likes (including me). Please tell me what you did to become like that.
Your nephew,
Michael
After a couple of days Michael receives the following response:
My dear Mike,
I was very happy to receive your message and learn that my words have given you so much food for thought. I enjoyed our talk very much — I think you are a sincere and genuine person.
I also deeply respect your decision to learn to like yourself more and to become a person whom others would want to have as a friend. I cannot promise that it will be easy, but as I told you already, I was very much like you when I was your age, and if I have been able to change, you can also. Here are some things I did to change myself step-by-step:
I knew that I had to stop criticizing myself. There were so many things I didn't like about myself, and I was always quick to think, "I'm so bad; it's hopeless; I’ll never change; it's no use even trying.” I started observing myself carefully. I checked my words, thoughts, feelings, actions, even my voice and smile. I made a point of reflecting on my day every evening. I would analyze what I had done right and what I had done wrong. Then I would make a goal for the next day. After a while I felt that I was improving, and my self-respect increased.
I had to learn to resist the temptation to compare myself with someone else. Instead, I learned to respect other people for who they were, and their achievements, but also I could begin to respect myself for who I was and for my own progress.
And finally, because I thought that I was a rather unkind person, I started doing things for others, even in small ways. I volunteered to help people in need. Sometimes I didn't feel like doing it, but I pushed myself to do it anyway. I even gave small gifts to people, for no other reason than to surprise them and make them happy. Doing this helped me a lot to feel better about myself.
During this time I became more aware of my own uniqueness. I discovered that I had certain talents different from anybody else. People told me that I was sensitive and tender-hearted. At first I didn't like that, because I wanted to be tough and never show any emotion. But after a while I started to appreciate these qualities in myself instead of denying them.
Well, Mike, I hope some of these ideas may work for you. I look forward to hearing about your progress. I am thinking of you.
With love,
Louis
Building self-confidence
Mike suffered from a poor self-image, which Uncle Louis helped him correct. Since Uncle Louis had corrected his own poor self-image as a youth, he knew it could be done. We alone create our self-image. We are the master designer.
A self-image involves our thinking first, then the actions we take to make our thoughts substantial. As was said in the last chapter, our thinking can rule over our feelings, including dispelling negative feelings about ourselves. If we nurture a positive and optimistic attitude about ourselves, we will feel our value. As Uncle Louis advised Mike, we have to watch our self-critical and defeatist thoughts and try to stop them as we become aware of them. Then we have to take positive action, as Louis did, doing acts of kindness toward others and watching our own progress toward our goals. As we do more and more to improve ourselves and our relationships with others, we will feel more and more self-respect.
Life is not always easy or beautiful. Our lives go through many hills and valleys. But there is one thing always to remember— ultimately we can achieve extraordinary results if our desire and motivation are strong enough. Believing this can give us incredible power.
Our problem is that we stamp the word IMPOSSIBLE across our plans and dreams and never complete them. Many limitations are ones we set ourselves, in our own thinking.
So believe in yourself! As Uncle Louis told Mike, you are a unique human being. There is no one just like you. You're one of a kind—the one and only! That's a positive and powerful thing.
Lesson Plan Objectives
Cognitive: Students will understand the importance of a good self-image. Students will have tools for constructing a better self-image.Affective: Students will feel affirmed in their own value. Students will gain self-confidence.
Behavioral: Students will state affirmations. Students will quiz themselves on their self-image before and after stating affirmations. Students will describe a situation in which low self-esteem and a poor self-image caused a person to pass up an opportunity.
Class Session 1
Solicit students' opinions about Michael as they experienced him in the chapter they read, “Being You.” Do they know anyone like Michael? (Possibly themselves?)Explain that this chapter shows that the way people think about themselves is very important to how they feel about themselves and to how others respond to them as well. Do students believe this to be true? Are there are pitfalls to this idea? (Note: Some criminals have very high self-esteem, and some good people have very low self-esteem.)
Explain that, in general, people feel much happier when they have a good self-image or when they improve their self-image. Michael's Uncle Louis mentions that he became kinder to himself, but he also became kinder to other people.
Quote him: “Because I thought I was a rather unkind person, I started doing things for others, even in small ways. I volunteered to help people in need. Sometimes I didn't feel like doing it, but I pushed myself to do it anyway. I even gave small gifts to people, for no other reason than to surprise them and make them happy. Doing this helped me a lot to feel better about myself.”
Point out that being kind to others and to one's self is a good way to strengthen a fragile self-image and experience higher self-esteem. Another way is to make goals, like Uncle Louis did, and achieve them. Becoming good at something—playing the guitar, making model cars, studying math or astronomy—builds a good self-image and higher self-esteem also.
So does exercise. Let students stand up and march in place for a few minutes. After they sit down, ask them if their self-esteem experienced a boost. Certainly, their energy and attention did!
Mention that some people strengthen their self-image through affirmations. There is an affirmation in their student books:
“You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.”
Direct students' attention to this quote and have them repeat it to themselves silently several times.
Ask students to do the Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?” in their student books.
Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?”
How do you see yourself: as lovable, unlovable, or somewhere in between?
lovable a b c d e unlovable
likable ( ) unlikable
attractive ( ) unattractive
overweight ( ) underweight
punctual ( ) tardy
careful ( ) careless
friendly ( ) unfriendly
talented ( ) untalented
accepted ( ) rejected
diligent ( ) lazy
loyal ( ) disloyal
kind ( ) unkind
sincere ( ) insincere
Where do you need to change? Number them in their order of importance to you.
Encourage students to invest in improving the parts of themselves they now see in a negative light.
Now write the following list of affirmations on the board:
Ask students to take a few moments to repeat each of these affirmations silently three times. Then ask them to retake the Exercise: “How Do You See Yourself?” Were their answers more positive this time?
Class Session 2
Ask someone in the class to review the main points of the chapter in their student books and also the last class session. Ask students to do the Questions for Reflection in their student books. They can refer back to the chapter to refresh their memories.
Questions for Reflection
1. What is Michael’s character like? Why do you think he is this way?
2. What is Louis’s character like? Was he always that way?
3. How did Louis change himself?
4. What do you think of Louis’s advice to Michael?
5. What is self-esteem?
6. What makes a person valuable?
7. If your closest friend or relative suddenly became poor or unpopular, would you still
feel the same way about that person?
8. How do self-esteem and self-respect influence everything a person does?
9. Does a person with a high sense of self-esteem usually treat others with respect? Why?
10. How can a sense of self-respect help a person develop his/her personality?
When they are done with the Questions for Reflection, ask students to break up into small groups of three or four. Ask them to share with one another about people they really like, describing the person to the others in as much detail as possible. Ask them to reflect upon what they like about these people and why, and to share that with the others. When the discussions are finished, ask students how many of them chose a person who projected a positive self-image—confidence and self-assurance. Emphasize that a positive self-image makes a person more likable.
Reflection Exercise: “Passing Up an Opportunity”
Write a small story describing a situation in which a person passes up a good opportunity because of lack of self-confidence or because he or she is afraid of failing.
When they are finished, ask students how the person in their story could have built up his or her self-image and self-esteem enough to take the good opportunity in front of him or her. What could he or she have done to prepare for the challenge?